Saturday, April 09, 2005


Early reports from Vatican sources who did not want to be identified indicate that Pope Paul was refused entry into heaven early last night on the basis of an impure thought he had in his dormitory room in Lublin Village Skansen, Eastern Poland on the night of August 17th, 1937 at 2:32 a.m. lasting until 3:17 a.m. He did not confess of, or in any way seek forgiveness for the impure act. Little is known about the incident but it suggests that at the time the Pope may have been leading a secret life.

God told the Pope the intense nature and length of the impure thought qualified it as a Mortal Sin. An All Powerful, Omniscient God read the Popes mind and told him that this incident was not a Nocturnal Emission as the Pope was sheepishly about to suggest. God told the Pole Pope that he wasn’t kidding when his only Son, Jesus - who is also God, and the Holy Ghost, and… a damn good billiards player.said, “Many are called, but few are chosen”.

The Pope was sent to Hell immediately for a period of not less than but no more than eternity itself. In Hell the hooded Pope is being water boarded naked by Spanish Jews from 15th century Seville. The bearded Jews fondle the Pope while he is forcibly made to stand in uncomfortable positions for hours at a time. Tomorrow Indigenous Mexican Aztecs are scheduled to supervise ripping his heart out with obsidian knives and having his flesh burned with aviation fuel and then frozen as he is crushed by giant razor sharp super cooled Martian glaciers. All this while the Devil’s familiars suck out all his remaining blood from the grotesque wens and bunions that are growing all over his body.

Tough break for a nice Catholic boy. Don’t let it happen to you! Believe in Jesus. Believe in America!

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